I will never feel like “I’m done” having babies

I don’t think I will ever feel like “I’m done” having babies … and maybe it’s because Chris and I weren’t the ones to make the decision. ❤️
It’s late morning on March 15th, 2019 and I’m lying in the hospital bed with newborn Lottie in my arms. I’m looking down at her with that day one wonderment where I can’t help but repeat over and over, “I can’t believe she’s here.” 💕
The second my doctor walks into the hospital room, I know there is something she has to share with us. Typically she is chatty and bubbly but I can tell there is something that she is preparing to share. She smiles down at me and Lottie and gently says, “Erin, I know you and Chris had mentioned that you thought Lottie may be your last baby.” I look over to Chris and smile. He knows I’ve always wanted four, but we had talked about Lottie most likely being our last. I look back at the doctor, still smiling and gently shrug my shoulders. It’s then that she firmly tells me that Lottie should be my last. She explains that my uterus was paper thin – so thin that when she went in to perform the c-section, she could see Lottie’s face and features through it. She directly explains that any future pregnancy would be a risk to the baby and to me.
I find myself nodding my head – acknowledging the news that she just shared. I’m so in love with Lottie that the news doesn’t really impact me. I think it’s only in the recent year that I’ve realized the impact. I don’t do well with other circumstances making life decisions for me and my family.
I have to say that I’m SO incredibly lucky to have three beautiful babies. I know I’m luckier than most. And I’m pretty sure Chris and I would have come to the decision on our own that our family was complete with spunky, hilarious and beautiful Lottie. I just also can’t help but feel like me and my body were put on this earth to have babies. And it’s so hard to see this chapter end. 📖 📕

As always, would love to hear from you in the comments ❤️